Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Pre-marriage-marriage-counseling

Marriage Counseling

When you hear those words you automatically think "oh my gosh, you poor thing." or "well at least you're trying." I hate the phrase marriage counseling. So when I called to schedule our first appointment with our pastor for said "marriage counseling" I was a nervous wreck. I still am... I mean, what is the point of this? 
 
Roland and I aren't perfect.. we have our issues.. he gets annoyed that I can go weeks without doing laundry, and I get frustrated when he puts the dishes in the wrong cabinet.. It drives me crazzzyyyy when he doesn't answer his phone because he's playing his video game.. it drives him crazzzyyy when I turn the light off in the bathroom every morning, knowing he has to go back in there to do his hair, yet I leave my closet light on for weeks at a time. I have no outlandish expectations of marriage... I know that even after October 18th he will still probably put the dishes away in the wrong cabinets... and I will still turn that damn light off. 
 
If marriage fixed all of your problems, divorce lawyers would be out of a job.  
 
I got lucky, my parents are a pretty realistic example of marriage. They're madly in love, each others best friends, they raised me and my brother to be functioning members of society, and they've been married for almost 30 years. My parents also aren't perfect. My mom is high strung and anal retentive about most things, and my dad is the most laid back person I've ever met. My dad gets frustrated with my mom when she tries to control every living organism on the face of the earth, and my mom gets frustrated with my dad when she walks in to find him sleeping on the couch with dishes still in the sink.... it's a balancing act. 
 
My mom has always said that she firmly believes "someone loves the other one more" at any given point. I also read somewhere that marriage isn't 50/50 it's 100/100. You have to give it your all everyday. But there are the days where you give 95% because well it's Monday and the dry cleaners didn't have your clothes ready, and the patients were all extra needy, and your boss was in a really hormonal mood, and then you forgot to pull something out for dinner and then you realized that you left your sports bra at home so you have to run in your real bra and you finally drag yourself and all your baggage from the day up the stairs to see your spouse in the kitchen cooking dinner. All you want to do is hug him, kiss him, and sit down and eat because he's a bomb ass cook. Those days you probably give 95% and he gave 110%. 
That's probably why finding your "perfect match" is such a big deal. I always mentally picture the lawyer symbol with the two scales. It's going to swing, it's going to be heavier on one side than the other some days. Some days it'll be even..
A balancing act.
 
But I guess, in a way, that's WHY they have this pre-marriage-marriage counseling. To make sure that everyone is on the same page, that you will balance each other out on the good and bad days. That you won't end up with one side in the ocean (or whatever is under said scale) when someone forgets to swap the laundry for example. (not that this is something I have experienced) (just kidding, I'm the guilty one. Laundry is my nemesis.)
So I guess, I really have no reason to be nervous about this pre-counseling. I know that Roland and I aren't perfect. But I also know that he's my balance. The ying to my yang, the milk to my cookies, and any other super cliche things you  can think of. 
How do you feel about pre-marriage-counseling? Necessary or not?
 
 
 
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4 comments:

  1. I think it's awesome. Good for you guys :) Maybe some of my friends should have done pre-marital counseling and then they wouldn't already be divorced!

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  2. I love this post - it's so true. We just got married 3 months ago and did not do counseling or pre cana. We've lived together for 3 & 1/2 years. It drives me nuts when he leaves the shower mat on the floor and doesn't hang it up to dry and it drives him nuts when I leave my shoes in the middle of the bedroom entryway. We often have to remind ourselves that while they're annoying habits, it's not the end of the world. It's definitely 100/100!

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  3. LOVE this post- such a sweet way to look at pre-marital counseling! Something I definitely know John and I will do, but like you said, it's kind of nerve-wracking! I completely agree with the 100/100 thing (and how bad does it suck when you forget your sports bra?! the worst!!!)!

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  4. You two seem like a perfect combination, Sarah. Well, I don’t think there really is a perfect relationship or marriage. It only becomes close to perfect when you two learn to accept the flaws and differences each of you have. This is what marriage counseling works out. The main objective is to make both of you become more open to each other, so that you can further understand your significant other. Anyway, have you already decided if you're going to attend a seminar?

    Dan Gibson @ Sweeney Therapy

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