Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Things I blame Adam and Eve for.

I don't talk a lot about my faith here, just because it is such a controversial subject and I don't feel like I have enough knowledge to back up what I believe. I do believe in God, I do believe he sent His Son to die for our sins. But I also question it a lot as well. Why did he do that? He knew from day one when Adam and Eve screwed it up that humans are nothing if not flawed. There are some discrepancies I have about the whole thing, but bottom line, I do believe in heaven and hell, I do believe He's the savior.

When my brother and I were growing up there was this children's Bible with all the main bible stories in it.. creation, Adam and Eve, Cain and Able, Abram and Sarai... so forth and so on. The one everyone knows is Adam and Eve. First man, woman made from mans rib... they got greedy and ate from the one stupid tree that they were told not to. I like to think of this as Adam and Eve's teenage or rebellion phase. Anyway, they ate from the tree of Good and Evil and were cast out of God's Holy Land for disobeying him. (kind of like if your parents catch you doing drugs.) They ruined it for us all. When my mom was reading us these stories I asked a ton of questions just so I could be sure that I was mad at the right people. "So if Adam and Eve hadn't eaten the fruit, I wouldn't have scraped my knee bike riding today?" "Correct," she would say. "and if they hadn't been soooo hungry to eat that fruit, I wouldn't have gotten sick last week?" "Right again" she would answer. 
As a kid, these were the things I worried about... scraping my knee and getting sick (actually I still worry about both of those.. West Nile is out there people) but now I still find myself doing certain things and cursing Adam and Eve under my breath (probably not making me any better than them, but that's another story for a different day.)

1. Shaving my legs. Seriously the most tedious thing EVER. If Adam and Eve hadn't been so selfish, I would never have to shave my legs. For. Real. (for you Juliette)

2. Pants. They never wore pants. They had no idea how good they freaking had it. I loathe pants. Almost as much as I loathe shaving my legs. I just wish that leggings were acceptable as pants and year round. 

3. Curling Irons. I'm more of a straightener kind of girl myself, but how many of you have burned yourself on a hair iron of some sort. If it hadn't been for Adam and Eve, we wouldn't even know what these things are. And we would be allowed to let our free hair fly. And no children would run away scared because they would be used to it. 

4. Bullies. I mean when you think about it they birthed the first bully. I mean, he killed his brother. You don't get much bullier than that. 

5. Incest. Has anyone ever thought about this? They were the ONLY TWO PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. Now there are billions of us. Not saying I'm down with incest (that's gross) or that I actually come across it as often as I do the previous three... but really.

6. Homeless. If they had just kept their hands to themselves, then we would all be gallivanting around without pants on, in our unshaven legs, everyone being nice to one another, and we would all live off the land. I mean, I'm not a big camper... but they didn't know any better. If camping was all I knew, and the bears and lions were my friends... I'd probably be ok with it. AND there would be an abundance of food. ALL THE TREES BUT ONE. 

Thanks Adam and Eve, for ruining a good thing, for reaching into your human nature and getting yourself screwed. 

Have a good Tuesday people. 

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  1. HAHAHAHA I love that when you think of not shaving your legs you think of me. And I totally understand what you mean about not talking about your faith because there's so much you don't know. Totally get you on that one. Sometimes I think about if they hadn't sinned... that tree would still be there and chances are good that SOMEBODY would have screwed it up... and I'm glad I didn't have that temptation because I would hate to be the one who screwed humanity over.

  2. When I was a kid I always cursed Eve for my period it was her fault I was dying of menstrual cramps, my mom always laughed at me!