How to: Fake being a morning person

1. Wake up. Open those pretty little peepers and take a gander around the room. Do this for two reasons 1) To make sure no one else is about to witness what you're doing next. 2) Make sure you weren't robbed in the middle of the night.  (Also, I suggest you not google "Eyeball gifs") Since you just did, I warned you. 2. Once you've double checked your most valuable belongings, throw off the covers and feel the cold air. Think to yourself "I wonder if this is what Elsa feels like in the morning." Then stretch the biggest stretch you can. I'm not saying get up and attempt yoga first thing in the morning without coffee....  I'm just saying get a gooooooood stretch. I do this to get my blood flowing, and to be able to stay in bed for as long as humanly possible.  3. Once your stretched, jump up real quick, do a little jig of some sort, get your heart racing and all the blood flowing to your brain.  Dance Options: (Disclaimer: These are just options, if you have a favorite dance continue with that one. Please do not attempt if you're not sure you can complete. This could result in early morning injury that you have to deal with all day long.)
4. RUN to the coffee pot/tea kettle/microwave whatever kitchen appliance really makes you smile. That's the key here. Smiling.  5. Once you're done smiling at your favorite kitchen appliance (don't show toooo much favoritism, if the other appliances get jealous you could have anarchy on your hands and HOW WOULD YOU MAKE THE TOAST?) use said favorite appliance. Make some coffee/tea/hot chocolate, whatever puts you in the right mind frame for morning.  6. Now that you've had that first sip of your morning go go juice, race yourself. I try to get everything I need to done before that first cup is gone. (My mom turns the dishwasher and races it... to each their own.) But do something productive... put away those dishes that have been mean muggin' you for a couple days, wipe off the counters.  Now that you've accomplished two things (some sweet dance moves and whatever you decided to do in step 6) you're unstoppable today!  Go make today your bitch.